Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
