I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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