Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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