I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
