Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
