Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
