if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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