I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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