hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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