Buhtt sex?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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