see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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