Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to calm my uterus...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
