I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
