He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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