I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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