jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
