thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
