I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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