Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He has the fingertips of a God
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