that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
