I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
