she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
