using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize