Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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