Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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