im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
