fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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