Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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