dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
