Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
