I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
