Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
