I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
