Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
