i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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