What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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