my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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