so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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