It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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