Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Me too!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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