im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
