Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
