Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
