How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
