Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
