i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
