Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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