im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
