I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
