Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
