Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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