If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
