the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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