Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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