So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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