You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
