at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
