Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
